Shef frowned as his cooking instructor, Ahut Billub, shook a little shake of pepper into the lamb chops. The Gourmet Shef had been invited to one of the best rated cooking schools in North America, but he was having a hard time understanding why Ahut didn’t know how to season a simple lamb chop. Finally, Shef could take no more. He seized ahold of the pepper shaker and snarled at the world renown cooking instructor. “That’s not how you season it!” Shef cried.
Shef hurled the pepper out of the kitchen, and from beneath his chef’s hat (toque), he produced a vial of mysterious green liquid. Ahut tried protesting, but Shef uncorked the vial and tipped a drop of the green acid onto the meat. It sizzled for a second, and then was absorbed.
“Hehe! My own personal recipe!” Shef cackled. Shef slapped a dumbfounded Ahut heartily on the back and proceeded to the next step, frying. Ahut backed away cautiously as Shef pulled out an impossibly enormous iron cauldron from beneath his toque. He set it on the gas burner. Shef peered down at the burner, which wasn’t on. “Eh! You should try using a REAL flame!” He took a deep breath and blew. Flames spewed out of Shef’s mouth and lit the burner aflame.
“You can do you honors, Ahab!” Shef grinned.
“My name is Ahut!” Ahut corrected, slowly backing away. The mysterious chef was making him very nervous.
“Yeah yeah, you cooking instructors are all the same! You think you know how to cook! Well let me tell you mister-”
Shef’s gooselike voice turned vicious. He grabbed Ahut by the collar of his shirt and shoved him against the hot cauldron. “You want to end up in my steak?”
Ahut shrieked, either from pure terror or pain, and shouted for help. Shef grinned. He tipped the cooking instructor over the lip of the pot, and Ahut screamed inside of the cauldron as Shef tossed in the raw steak. The violent chef turned up the heat to the gas burner, and sprinkled in some parsley, carrots, a whole onion, and a couple of frogs. Ahut’s pleas for help were slowly replaced by the sound of sizzling meat.
Shef looked around the kitchen, but none of the other cooking students seemed to have noticed that Ahut, their instructor, was being cooked.
After about ten minutes, Shef announced to everybody.
“My steak is done! Everybody come have a taste!”
The students crowded around Shef’s cauldron, murmuring. One brave woman peeked over the cauldron and screamed. “THERE IS A BODY IN THERE!” Shef watched, horrorstruck, as the students discovered what the evil man had done. The police were called promptly, and Shef was sent to jail.
Comments